>18 years

11/06/2016

Generally, I don't speak about this subject, not because it's a taboo, but because people speak and care too much about the physical part. Come on, you have to agree with me, everybody constantly speaks about this theme, you don't really need my opinion. What I am about to address here is directed to all those who had (or still have) their self-esteem affected negatively because of things that, at first sight, seem futile, however, led them (or are leading them) to a point of rupture (emotionally speaking). Always from an emotional point of view, I will try to "explain" some things that you might not agree (almost for sure), though with the time passing by, my words will echo in your heart. I hope that, miraculously, the people who need most can find this webpage, because I think it can help them to see things that their "traumas" don't allow them to see. This is not an erotic approach; if it's that what you are expecting, you can leave now, please. The three topics I will speak about are size, virginity and emotional needs (I don't know whether I will add some other topic or not; it depends on people's problems. It depends on you).

SIZE

I have noticed that men have a lot of problems because they worry too much about the size of their genital organ. I can’t think as a man, because as you know I am a woman, but I don’t need to be a seer to see where these thoughts will lead them. Their self-confidence will be damaged, their social life will be affected and, consequently, their relationships will be problematic. Sometimes, they can’t even be in a relationship, such is the fear of rejection, nor participate in activities/sports where they have to expose themselves physically (like when they have to use shared shower rooms). Just because men think their private part is smaller than "it should be", it does not mean that it is. I won’t focus on its size as you probably know already, but about what I consider more important: people’s happiness. And happiness is an emotion... so I will speak emotionally. Don’t think I am devaluating your pain, because am not. In fact, what I am doing is showing you that, above all, you have a psychological problem, which is an emotional problem.  

Now, follow my thinking... if people without arms and legs can be happy, you also can! My personal opinion is that size:
a) Is not as important as you might be thinking;
b) Should not be compared to other guys;
c) Definitely is not what women are looking for.

A) Is not as important as you might be thinking 

Why do you worry so much about this subject? Who told you that your "equipment" was smaller than it should be? Was it some study? Were other men? Remember, men sometimes lie and statistics aren’t as accurate as you may think. Keep this in mind... I might answer an inquiry and say that I measure 1,95cm and my weight is 59kg. Does this seem perfect to you? Now, how can they prove that what I am saying is true, huh?

If you saw other guys naked and concluded that you aren’t so “lucky”, allow me to say this: each human being has their own characteristics; you are perfect just the way you are. If someone tells you the opposite, give them my contact... they won’t upset you anymore! Almost 100% guaranteed. I will give them a moral lesson they'll never forget! I don't think they like moral... everybody hates it! 

B) Should not be compared to other guys

When I say”Don’t compare yourself to any other guy” isn’t because I think you have a problem. In fact, it is quite the opposite; there is nothing wrong with you physically and that’s why you don’t need to compare to anyone else. You are perfect just the way you are, but, when people start comparing themselves with others, the problems arise. Have you never heard that "the neighbour’s bread is always better than mine" or "my friend’s wife is better than mine"?

I have a question for you... not to answer me, but only to reflect about! Why men compare the size of their private part and not their foot size or their leg length? If you want to compare yourself with someone, at least do it the way you should and compare everything. Oh, I know what you are thinking... “Why the hell will I compare my ears’ size or my hands and nails? Are you crazy or what?”

For your biggest disappointment, I am not crazy, at least not yet. You know, sometimes we have to think as a mad person, to make others see things. And what I want to show you is this: if you consider silly to compare your hands, fingers, whatever, why do you think that isn’t “silly” to compare your “big fellow’s size”, huh?

I am sorry about the previous "expression", but I begin to not have words to express myself... (women...)

C)  Definitely is not what women are looking for

This point made me remember a friend’s question when he was in Portugal and women didn’t want his friendship (but wanted his money)... Never mind!

Women might want lots of things, but I don’t really believe they care about your “friend’s size”. In a relationship, they want something higher and, as I can see things, they will see you as a whole... not as a part! They will care about you, physically and emotionally. Your happiness will be their main goal and not make you feel bad or guilty about yourself. Call it acceptation... call it respect; I call it love!
The size of your private organ will matter to her as much as the size of her boobs to you. It’s irrelevant, when love is there!

This is everything so beautiful; however, we live in a real world and not in an imaginary one. Love is so hard to find that people don’t want to lose time and take shortcuts. They call it “something casual”! In a casual thing, where feelings are inexistent, then it’s probably the first thing (and the last) they'll notice. And, almost certainly, criticize. But the same happens to you... you'll do the same.

I am not the best person to speak about casual “relationships”... because I defend its opposite! I believe in beautiful things, not in crap!

VIRGINITY

Here it is a sensitive theme: virginity. Everybody has their own opinion about this subject, but do you know what effectively shocks me? How “open-minded” people deal with it and how they feel pride hurting others and condemning them for doing nothing wrong.

7 or 8 years ago I was paralysed when I heard a woman saying that at her daughter’s school, girls were bullied because they were still virgins. I said “What”? And then I asked how old her daughter was. “11 years old”, she responded and I almost fell the chair I was sitting on. “What are you saying?” I said. “They are still children...” The girls who were virgins felt such shame... which made me ask this SHAME OF WHAT?

My dear friends, when I was 11 years old, I was a happy kid, always playing and laughing... There is a right time for everything and for sure, at this age, a physical relation wasn’t (and it isn't) the right thing to do, from every points of view... the body is changing and their character is being formed... emotionally they weren’t ready for this; I don’t think anyone is!

Then, a couple of years later, a known psychologist here in Portugal made a very unfortunate statement. I always liked hearing him speaking, but since this moment, I lost all my respect for him. Totally!
A guy who was on a reality TV show admitted he was still virgin (he was 26 years). It seems that people there clapped hands. And so, this “specialist” remembered saying a lot of nonsense things, as if his degree granted him the right to judge and condemn.
“Virginity to 26 years is a public health problem and a disease... like a 10-12 year-old child who didn’t begin the school activity”... Even more shocking was, because who is ill does not have the notion, to see the others congratulating him. You don’t congratulate someone with 26 years who still didn't begin their sexual life".

Summarizing, he classified this as a social pathology and a public health problem.
He was condemned. Ridiculous, silly and provincial were his words to describe his condemnation. I use these 3 words to describe his shit statements and I know I shouldn’t say this (people will hate me even more), but it’s what I humbly think. As a psychologist his behaviour was unforgivable! Of course this is only my humble opinion... a nobody’s opinion (who cares about people).

Sensitivity... that’s what people need, but all they get is indifference and spite. I don’t see anything wrong with virginity; what I don’t see with good eyes is promiscuity. Do you remember about the two movies I spoke about here https://cris1208.comunidades.net/the-art-of-touching-the-soul-and-feed-the-spirit?

That lost and empty man, who was looking for a meaning in his life? Did you discover when he achieved wholeness and peace?

Virginity might be forced or by free will. Forced is when you want to stay with someone, but you don’t have anyone. The second is when you freely wait for someone. I don’t know whether this makes any sense to you, however, both have something in common. These people respect their bodies, respect others’ bodies and don’t believe in promiscuity (they believe in love). If they believed, they wouldn’t be virgins yet. They could find physical relations everywhere... isn’t so? You have all my respect and my sincere wishes that you may find someone special as you are.
Virginity is not a disease or a state of public health. Rapes are, infidelity is and all forms of disrespect... Come on, is only me who sees beauty in the beautiful things? Are you virgin? There is nothing wrong with you, don’t you allow people to tell you otherwise. The society is mad, so it wants you to be mad too. Ironic, but true...

EMOTIONAL NEEDS

“I need sex”, people usually say. And if you try to argue with them, the answer will be “It’s a need. I really need this”. How true this statement is?

I will tell you a history I heard lots of years ago. A woman was married. The physical relations she had with her husband were never enough. At the end, she was ready to start all over again. This problem started to affect both and it was when she looked for specialized help. I never heard anything else about this woman since then, so I can’t tell you if she is cured or not. Why do I say cured? Because, as you can clearly see, it’s impossible to live like this all the time. One thing is to think about physical relations all the time and another completely different thing is never get satisfaction even after you get there (she was always ready for more). As you can perfectly imagine, people need to “take a break”. I dare say her problem was hormonal, yet it´s just a supposition... I never searched for more information about this theme, so forgive my total ignorance. What I wanted to tell you with this history? Well, remember the sentences at the beginning “I need sex. It’s a need. I really need this”? To this woman this made total sense.

Now, let’s deepen a little, do you allow me?

Have you ever heard anyone saying any of these sentences?

Why am I still alone?

Why can’t I find someone to love me?

Why can’t I find a girlfriend/boyfriend?

I am going to be alone all my life...

Most of times, people aren’t as open/direct as I wrote. I think they are ashamed to reveal so much of themselves... or perhaps, just afraid. So, it’s easier to say “I need sex”. Sometimes, things that begin with it have a happy ending, but they are quite rare.

If people have physical needs? Yeah, sure, everyone has. But they also want to feel safe, understood and accepted. In one word - LOVE; THEY WANT TO BE LOVED. THEY NEED TO BE LOVED; THEY NEED TO FEEL THEY ARE LOVED. 

The paradox between Love and Sex is that people think sex is more important and it is not. People who only look for sex are empty and are always worried with more sex. A futile life if you want to know what I think - a vicious circuit that leads people to guilt or to a quick state of euphoria. Then, the inner emptiness arises... I also know that those who look for sex don’t have love in their lives, because when they have it, sex no longer occupies the first place of  their worries... How could it?

What people really need is a life full of love! Only love can heal the wounds and add meaning to their lives. Once love appears, everything changes. The bad news is that I can't promise you'll find love. If love could be bought, I would buy some bags and would give to those who need most... however, the most priceless things aren't for sale.

But that you probably know already...