28/02/2016

It’s not big news that I think a lot, even about things I shouldn’t. Some already stopped seeking the answers to their questions; some already told me that it’s pointless to try to understand people and/or how the society works. To be absolutely frank right now, I already thought about that too, but then, when another day starts, I always turn back to search the answers I need.

Today’s subject is suffering. I already know that a life without it is impossible. It helps us to see the good things about life and gives us the strength we need to carry on and fight. It makes us humble. No one can escape from death, some diseases or accidents, but there is a lot of suffering that could be avoided if people were more human, kinder and more loving. So, until now, all I know is that suffering is something needed, but I don’t know why it only hits the same people, over and over again. Most of times, the most suffered people are the kindest and sweetest people you can ever meet; so, why more suffering for them? I only found an answer to this question till now: maybe they can touch others. Perhaps they can make others see things they can’t or they couldn’t see if those people weren’t so hurt, like the old saying “Soft water in hard rock, hits until it sticks”. But then, when I go out of my mind to apply my thesis, everything falls apart; things make no sense. Once in a while, I can see that my thesis is right, but in general 99.9% of the cases my thesis worth zero and nothing. I always say that in ten thousand people, if I can touch one, I’ll be glad. My efforts were worth it. It’s hard to touch people; they are not deaf, but they don’t listen; they are not blind, but they don’t see; they have a heart, but it does not feel anything. Suffering is the device that makes people hear and see, because until they get through it, they only have eyes and ears to themselves.

Something I have noticed is that the hurt ones are always taking care of others, while the others keep living their lives in a very selfish way. To be helped and supported should open their hearts instead of making them more centred in themselves, but that is working in a reverse sense. You may say or think that everything we do must be without expecting something in return, and you are right. But now see things from the perspective of that person who is hurt over and over again and is always there to take care of others. Wouldn’t it be nice that, at least once, others could take care of them? Just once?!

When I was younger, the television news always showed gangs of black people arranging problems for the white people. And it was very common to hear that black people should be all together and when they do something wrong to others, an airplane should drop a bomb and kill them all. I can’t guess what people think when they hear things like this, but my thought was only with the ones that were innocent and would die because of the others. And now, I realize myself thinking in a selfish mode, not so cruel, but, even so, selfish.

What about if people who care about others lived only with people like them and the others that only care about themselves lived all together, but far away from the first group of people?

How selfish is my thought can you tell me?

I already wrote that it takes away all my energy to see people unhappy. At the end, I stay even worse than them. I can’t understand (and you are allowed to call me stupid or any other bad name you want) why is it so hard to make people smile. It costs you anything! I can’t understand why people aren’t capable of small gestures to the ones that are giving their lives, every day, because of them. Why are they so insensitive, can you tell me?

Throughout my life I’ve seen sadness and what it does to people. Deeply they have hope, but it goes away with the wind; it's like a fake hope. I know it’s fake because the brightness of their eyes is different; it’s a brightness of unhappiness and desperation. I wish I could do something to relieve their pain. I won’t deny it; my heart always is with the ones that no one wants; with the ones that nobody sees or listens; with the ones that no one care about. I can’t help it; it’s bigger than me... so much bigger, hence I have thought about split people into two different groups, living in two different places. The ones who hurt others would see no difference, but the others would. Perhaps the ones who hurt people could be hurt too and could change their behaviour?!

What do you think? 

At the end, all I know is that I know nothing, but I see so much. People are dying every day, throughout a lifetime! Sadness is killing them, everyone sees and no one cares. It's a sad world!