10/05/2016 

I have a friend. She is physically beautiful, yet her inner beauty is something supreme. Her history could be the history of thousands of people humiliated and disrespected at all levels! Violence, when is enough, enough can you tell me? In the name of all those who cry and suffer silently, I will say some things that I hope somehow can go towards those who need hope; those who feel totally alone and need a friendly word.

There are a few kinds of violence; however, I will say that there are only two: the physical and the psychological (all the others can be inserted into one of these two groups). As you can imagine violence brings a lot of suffering and pain (for the victims) and both kinds leave scars for all life! The scarring process is continuous, painful and never-ending. Generally, the worst situation is domestic violence (aside wars), because people can always move job, school, whatever, but not home; they can move house, however before they do, they will try everything to make things work. And that’s when things get worse...

Domestic violence is about power and control (as any other kind of violence) and not about love or caring for another. Be aware that where domestic violence lives, there is no relationship; only a shadow of someone and a selfish and narcissist ego. So, manipulation (through emotional or economic means) is quite common. 

A vicious cycle that’s what it is that leads people to a dark abysm. The “cycle of violence” it’s rooted in fear (never in respect) and vulgarly when the tension rises, the victim tries to keep the abuser calm, but they can’t. It's a damn irony! It seems that the whole universe conspires against them and, inevitably, the worst happens. Then, the abuser apologizes and tries to make it up to the victim; promises or gifts are quite vulgar, but they won’t change anything. It’s going to happen again!

All those who are in a domestic violence situation should do everything possible to get out securely. Most of times contacting the police is a need because of the imminent danger. I don’t need to say that when it comes to this point, people already tried everything and are emotionally drained. This is their last resource... their last hope! They say "It's enough"!

Physically speaking, even after the wounds have healed, the emotional and psychological scars will remain there for a long time. Sometimes, the healing process takes a lifetime. It’s very common to feel anger and shame, but some other emotional reactions may be suitable to express people’s pain. Each one of us is different; there is not a specific pattern to apply here, although people who were in the same conditions can understand each other better than those who never lived these situations. They seek for understanding; they seek for someone who cares about them and their suffering.

What about all those who are still suffering of domestic violence?

You might not believe me, but many sufferers of domestic violence never speak about what is happening at home, not even to their closest relatives. They suffer in silence, alone, closed. Apparently, everything is going well... Plenty of times, they don’t want to admit the situation and try to deny it; other times, they feel shame and an immense feeling of guilt (the abuser makes them think they act like “shit” because it’s their fault). Psychologically speaking, this is quite convenient to them, because besides justifying their acts, it will also make the abused believe they have "some power" to change the situation, which they don’t have.

Domestic violence affects men and women, old and young, from all racial, social and financial backgrounds. Men who suffer domestic violence aren’t "sissy" as some retarded people might think; it just shows how beautiful their heart is (come on, a man could end with a woman’s life in a couple of seconds...). I am so enough of this society that thinks it’s cultured, though, is just a label to hide its prejudice and imbecility!

The victim of mistreatment is never responsible for the abuse and violence; they are just being used in a sick game of power, control and manipulation. It’s true, even if you don’t want to admit it. Another thing you must know is that the abuser won’t change (at least not until you make some changes).

Love is an enemy of violence so even if you love him/her a lot, they don’t love you; they can't, it's impossible! The one who loves, respects and respect is something automatic. You don’t have to demand it... or, at least, you shouldn’t!
The best you can do for yourself is to leave; don’t look back! Violence is not admissible; physical violence may lead you to death (or become you unable) and the psychological violence leaves permanent emotional scars. No one can erase them... And with children, everything gets worse 500%. They should never, ever, be submitted to any kind of violence and the long-term effects for them will be catastrophic.

The fact you are leaving them does not mean you are weak or you don’t love them; it merely means that sometimes the best to do is to go. Nothing positive comes of violence; not even love! Love requires freedom; without it, love is just a cage (you only see the door to escape...). Nobody wants to escape from love, right?

Who to trust? 

Someone who was abused usually suffers low self-esteem; they think they are worthless. Plus, they have a huge difficulty to trust someone else (they were betrayed for someone they loved). To open up emotionally might be the scariest thing to do... Who can guarantee them they won’t be betrayed again? Well, when you come to the point “it’s enough”, you have to trust someone; if not your family or friends, maybe someone anonymous and in the most serious situations, the police. When people don’t respect deliberately, the law may use its force to impose respect.

To be free does not mean you can take other’s freedom; you have all the right to your freedom and peace. Allow people to help you, not everybody is so mean. Some people will help you out...

Never believe domestic violence will only happen once... As I always say, once it starts, it is almost impossible to end.

Except mental illness and dissociative disorders, there is no justification for using violence. There isn’t and don’t you try to justify their inhuman acts with all your kindness. Don’t you ever make that mistake again, because they will take advantage of you and will show you the depths of hell.

People may become violent for a thousand and one motives, however only when they admit their culpability and desire to be helped may have hope (which is rare...). Very often, the abusers are seen as “normal” people. They are lovely and polite in public, but not in private. I can’t know what’s happening inside their sick mind; all I know is that domestic violence is never an isolated case, they know they are wrong because they try to hide their destructive behaviour from everyone and, once confronted, they deny all and it’s not an issue of anger management.

Please be strong to say IT’S ENOUGH, because nobody will ever say it on your behalf. You have to take the first step, yet you will never be alone. People will help you; not all, but some will. Don’t be silent: enough is enough; period!

P.S. You are not weak; never believe when people tell you this because only someone strong could bear domestic violence! They are weak, not you! You are a beautiful human being, am sure of it!

P.P.S. If you know somebody in this situation, don't be indifferent. All they need is a helping hand... you have "two", right?