A few years back, if someone asked me to speak about myself I wouldn’t. I was very reserved; am still reserved, but when I see I can “help” someone, I forget my condition of being reserved and my human side appear clearly. I am exhausted of seeing people unhappy, especially those which do everything right and think of others first. I am not judging (am not even a lawyer, how could I be a judge?) but they don’t deserve any kind of suffering.

So, what I’ll write here is everything about my own experience. Am not proud to beg, however, people play with us the way they want; that’s why I thought it was important to tell you some things. I don’t want you to get hurt, so please read me carefully.

23/10/2016

Time

Never, ever, beg for someone's time. It’s useless, a waste of your time and energy. Perhaps it’s too unfair what I am about to say right now, but it seems that people don’t have time for you on purpose. The more you ask for their time, the more you have their disdain! There’s something ironic about this fact; is that, time we never shall ask for anyone.

Time it’s freely given by those who consider us valid and worthy! It’s not a matter of being too busy or not, it’s a matter of their priorities, because time everybody has. Sometimes, more than you can imagine! So, forget all the bad excuses they give you and listen to me: THEY DON’T CARE! Who really cares, is present, they make an effort. If you see no effort, it’s because they don’t have time FOR YOU. They just forget all the time to add these two words - for you. I prefer, a billion times, a truth than a lie or a charity lie.

Is it so hard to say: I don’t want to speak to you, I don’t want to see you, I don’t give a shit about you? Do you think it’s too direct or maybe too rude and insensitive?

For someone who has been begging their entire life I can assure you, it isn’t. Never beg for someone’s time. They will think they are the best and they will ignore you. That’s how the society works! Every time you beg for their time, their attention, you are giving them an enormous power. I’m not the best person to explain the part of power, all I know is that someone used to say that I had power, but I hadn't. He had! I don’t even think about power, especially in friendship or love. What a pleasant society, huh?

Comprehension

Never ask for someone’s comprehension, because the simple fact of being begging for understanding clearly shows your desperation and leaves you entirely vulnerable. Remember when I told you that vulnerability is not a great thing in the actual society?

Well, I am beginning to think that we must use an iron mask, like on the movie “The man in the iron mask” (1998) so people can’t see us how we really are. Outside we are untouchable, MADE OF STEEL, although inside we are fragile and beautiful beings.

Every time you implore someone to comprehend you, something seems to conspire against you (like when you ask for someone’s time) and all you’ll get is the opposite of what you are asking. Comprehension is a quality (at least for me it is) that people have or don’t have; simple as my words. It has something to be with being sensitive and express our solidarity.

So, if every time you speak, you have to explain; if every action has to be followed by a subtitle; just stop, right there. You are making the same mistakes I did (I still do). Not everything needs an explanation and if they can’t even understand a single word you say or the reasons behind your behaviour, it’s not only a lack of comprehension; it’s a very serious lack of sixth sense and sensibility. In other words, it’s the total absence of care. They don’t care, are you paying attention? Don’t try to delude yourself; if they cared, they would try to see beyond. They wouldn’t be “forcing” us to beg for their comprehension.  I spent years trying to explain the unexplainable, millions of times I begged for people’s understanding. It was not worth it. They simply didn’t care!

Comprehension is interconnected with empathy. Not many people have the aptitude to understand and share the feelings of another. I guess it’s not a trendy thing, which means I am totally old-fashioned comparing to this “modern” society.

Trust

“Trust isn’t given, it’s earned”, it’s an old saying. Have you ever heard it? The way I deal with trust is, curiously, ironic.

I deal with many people, but at no circumstance I treat them differently from what I would like to be treated if I was in their place.

I sell some things on the web. Generally, things are sent by mail, because the clients are living too far away from me. You’ll be impressed, but some of these people, they became my friends. And I will explain you why. When people contact me, I try to explain everything, even the smallest details. I don’t want to deceive anyone; when someone buys me something, I want them completely satisfied and happy. So, I make all the efforts I can... sometimes, I send lots of pictures, other times I even discourage people from buying me stuff. Yeah, you read well. And, at the end, they are grateful for that and I feel happy for them. I feel they trust me and I trust them... I think it’s a mutual feeling. Like the old saying, trust was earned!

Now, things change a little bit if I speak about love. Well, not only a little, they change utterly!

I was married for several years with a person who never spoke to me, about anything. He couldn’t begin a dialogue or keep it, but he was excellent about putting an end on it. Abnormalities aside, I lost the count of the times I said him “you can trust me”. As if he didn’t know already. He never trusted me, if you want to know; plus, he couldn’t, because he was playing two games: one with me, other with the rest of the world. The world knew him, I didn’t; I took my time to truly know him...

As if I haven’t learnt my lesson with my ex-husband, at another time, and after a few months of speaking, I was saying almost the same line to another person.

One time I asked if he would trust me someday. His answer was “It’s not about trust”. So, if it’s not about trust, is about what?! Dear friend, you think that when people speak to you they can’t see who you are? They saw me as I really am; I guess they didn’t like me!

Never ask for someone to trust you, don’t humiliate yourself like I did. They move on laughing, we watch them going (with a whirl of thoughts hovering our head). We didn’t do anything wrong... except begging them to trust us. The act of begging them to trust us tells them so much about ourselves...we stay exposed, vulnerable...please, don’t think they will care. They won’t!

Friendship

I presume it’s written all over my face (or better, all over this blog): when people come to me, I want them to stay! Not a long time ago, I was speaking with a guy who could see how people really are, their heart; someone with a paranormal ability, if you prefer this term.

After I said him that I wanted all people who come to me to stay in my life, as friends, he sharply answered “Cristina, don’t want all to stay. Some aren’t worth it”.

I believe that all people have a good side and a dark one. They choose whose side they prefer to live their lives. It’s just a matter of choice!

Friendship is something that seems to be out of fashion and most of people use this word in a banal way. Never ask for someone’s friendship; the real friendship is earned and it must be reciprocal. Yeah, I begged for some people’s friendship and guess what, you think they "gave" me it?! Do I have to answer?

Respect & Care

I won’t even write much about these two. You can beg for them, as I did, but you won’t get them. They are earned, like the other things I wrote above. If people don’t care about you and don’t respect you it must be easy to see that they don’t care, right?

Love

Do you think that because you love somebody, you shall beg for their love? Do you know what they will do with you if you beg for it? Are you aware of the power you are giving to the one you love? A relationship is not about power, but since someone said something similar to me, I started to see things in a different way, more worldly if you understand what I mean.

In the first place, if you feel forced to beg, the person does not love you! And if you think love is earned, I’ll show you another view. Mine!

I hear all the time that love is/must be earned. It makes sense, but not so much as you probably are thinking. Have you ever been in love? If so, you know very well how strong this feeling is! Then, allow me to ask you:

 * What did the person to deserve your love?

 * Is love a matter of merit?

 * And who decided if the person was worthy or not of being loved, it was you?

Love has nothing to do with choices, with being worthy or not. Love just happens and please don’t twist the real meaning of my words. Love is a feeling, an emotional connection; the doctors say that it has the same effects as drugs. But you have to agree with me, love is much better in every possible (and impossible) ways. So, if love happens, you give it; love is given, freely given and not earned. To be earned I would have to pick someone worthy (and I already told you, am not a judge) and compatible with me; it’s impossible to choose whom we will love! This form of love would be very selfish, because when you give love, you feel free, happy; you don’t ask anything in return!

Love is not selfish, never, ever! That’s why people have the worst kind of poverty; they are incapable of love, of losing in that feeling, of fighting and staying there, side by side. People are poor! I’ve been saying this, yet I don’t know if someone understands me. If you do, can you please help others to see things as they really are?

So now that you know my worst, I feel totally comfortable telling you that I begged for love too. I fought with all my strength, for nothing. I always lost, but at least I know that I did everything I could. Here’s an advice: don’t beg for love! They feel the strongest people; they will treat you like rubbish, because they know you are there, waiting for them. If you see they haven’t time for you, friendship not even hear about it, respect and care don’t even are in their dictionary, they don’t love you, so don’t beg for their love. Don’t be stupid as I am was. They don’t care, open your eyes. It’s a friends’ advice and you know I am your friend because I’ve been telling you things even against myself. Never beg for love!

Notes:

The same is valid for friends and family! We don’t choose to love them, but people can choose if they want our love! It’s called FREEDOM; without it, love is not possible. 

Never beg for someone to stay when you know all they want is to go; most of the times they didn’t even come, got it?