21/05/2016 

We all have unaccomplished dreams... Sometimes life gives us back what it took, sometimes it does not. It was exactly what happened with me a few months ago (or so I thought). I don’t really think that a University degree is needed to help people, although knowledge is, at least some. That was why I decided to begin to study nursing... no big ambitions, no big dreams; just wanted to have the course, so then I could “work” as a volunteer helping people - half time working (everyone has bills to pay), half time helping. You know what they say...”Choose something you like to do and you won’t have to work a single day of your life”, or something similar! And makes all sense! Unfortunately, as I would have to stay at the hospital from 04:00 pm till midnight every day, I would reprove for absences. The schedule is totally incompatible with my life and there is nothing I can do about it. 

Yesterday, after a long talk with a friend of mine (more than 2h on the phone) I was sure about what I already knew... Perhaps it is better this way, I mean, to not become a nurse. It would be too much for me, emotionally speaking. After her call, I started to feel down... really really down (she has some serious problems and I can't do anything to help her).

So, what would happen when I began to see people ill, people in pain and couldn’t be able to help them? I would become a shadow...
While I was thinking about all this, something else came to mind... Sensitivity! Is it good or bad?!

We all want to be understood, wanted and loved, however, only sensitive people will do these tasks. The reason why they do what they do is because others' well being is as important as theirs (or even more important). But this can become a serious problem if the person feels too much... They will become ill. Believe me; I know what I am saying... And ill we can't do much, can we?
Now, speaking about hospitals; how many times a doctor or a nurse revealed themselves too raw or perhaps indifferent? I myself saw situations that quite shocked me, although were totally disrespectful and inhumane. But that's not the point here. The thing is that too much sensitivity can't be a good thing, like total insensitivity also isn't. A middle term would be great; a balance! A balance that, most of times, does not exist; it's all or nothing!

It’s time to tell you a short history. Once, I was sick, in bed. After knowing about someone who was also ill, I quickly went there to take him to the hospital. Hadn’t eaten anything and the (physical) strength wasn’t much, but, whilst I was there, taking care of him, I was fine. Nobody would say I was ill. When I came home, I was without any energy again so I went to bed.

How can we drag mountains because of others and not be able to do anything for us? I don't know... All I know is that love gives us an incredible power... almost surreal! Only someone who loves can care or should I say only the ones who care can love? Probably this already happened to you too, I mean, you forgot about your "condition" to support someone. You know what I am speaking about... it's such an immense feeling of wholeness, isn't it?

Some people want money, others want to be known, all I want is a smile; all I want is people's happiness! How silly does this seem, can you please tell me? Hum... it's harsh to walk in the wrong direction and not following the crowd... it's almost impossible to live if you want to know. 

P.S. Just want to say two things. The first is to choose a job you love and are good at; you will never feel you are working! The second thing is to never quit from your dreams, even if they seem silly, don't you ever make that mistake!